I helped raise my two step children while their Mom was incarcerated. While they were living in my husband...?

and my home, their Mom would send them letters on ways to manipulate me and talk about me like I was dirt to turn them against me. Now they are 22 and 20 and should be acting mature and see things for what they are, but they are still rude to me. With the holidays coming I am trying to arrange it so I don't have to be here. I hate confrontations. Any ideas on what to do?